Admit It!
by obsessedmom
Summary: Everyone knows Brian Kinney man-hoor extraordinaire, but lurking inside is a secret he doesn't want to admit.  Will he be able to say it, say it out loud?  This is my 1st QAF story   Please read and review!  M for slash and language.


All characters from QAF belong to their respective owners. Me, I just like playing with them.

Warning: Brian is well known for his colorful language and I intend to stay true to that. So if that bothers you go read something else. Also there will be slash so the same goes for that. This is rated M for a reason.

Admit It! © 2010 belongs to Obsessedmom

~~~AI!~~~

I am Brian Kinney. I am master of my domain. I am in charge. I pick and choose who I want, what I want, and when I want it.

I am always the aggressor. I pick a guy from the crowd and whisper in his ear. We may dance for a while if that is what I want and then I take him into the back room to have him suck me off or I fuck him. Sometimes if I want more than a quick fuck or am bored with the back room I take whichever random guy I have chosen back to my loft.

I get my release and send the guy on his way. I don't bother with names, they are all meaningless fucks. I get my needs met and the hell with them.

I do it still because that is what's expected of the great Brian Kinney. Everyone wants to get fucked by Brian-fucking-Kinney…right?

But is it what I expect of myself?

Is it what I want for myself?

Is it a farce?

A façade?

I wear the mask of the arrogant bastard that everyone says that I am.

Under the mask lies something else. Something I don't even want to admit to myself. I hide behind that mask because it is easier. It's easy for everyone to think that I know everything and can get everything that I want with ease.

I love and want to be loved, but love is scary because if it is taken from you, you will be left broken. I would never admit that I am afraid and who would believe it.

~~~AI!~~~

The lights of Babylon send streaks of blue, purple, red and orange across the men dancing and writhing in a mass as I stand on the upper deck overlooking them.

Justin speaks lowly close to my ear asking me what my target is for tonight. I nod my head to a guy about my age with bronze tousled hair, a sharp chiseled jaw line, broad shoulders and a narrow waist. The muscles of his chest flex and move as he dances. His biceps are ringed with tattooed patterns.

I turn to leave to pursue my quarry. The game is on. It really is just a game. Meaningless.

Justin grabs my wrist pulling me back to him. His hand slides into mine hold me tightly. His other arm wraps around my waist pulling our hips flush together.

"Forget about him. Come home with me …now," he says urgently.

He grinds his cock against mine through the double layers of denim. I feel every inch of his length rubbing along my cock through the barriers. His hard cock is making me lose all thoughts of the quick, easy fuck.

His hand that had been clenching mine reaches up to wind through my sweaty hair and pulls my face closer and his closes the gap and crushes his mouth to mine in an open mouthed kiss. He tastes of beer and whiskey that we have been drinking as his tongue strokes mine, delving into me. I want that warm sweet mouth wrapped around my cock.

We stand there with the pulsating throbbing beat of the music, our bodies flush against each others. Our cocks are insistent, only the strong fibers of the denim keep us from fucking right here and right now.

I pull away and I see disappointment written over his gorgeous youthful features. Pain flashes in his cerulean eyes. I lean in and give him a quick peck on the lips and whisper, "Let's go."

I grab his hand and tug him along with me until he realizes we are going home together, right now. I am leaving the random fucks behind and his pace matches mine now in his comprehension.

The walk to my Jeep is a blur and the drive I did on autopilot, taking each turn from muscle memory and not conscious thought. My thoughts were on the boy… no man... sitting beside me. He was no longer the boy I found leaning against a lamppost one cool and foggy night. A virgin ass waiting to be taken. He has grown into a man with his slightly shaggy straight blond hair, the softness of youth transitioning to lean muscle. The age difference no longer seeming so great.

The ride up in the elevator was silent as I eyed him and feelings of my own insecurities muddled my thoughts. His watchful eyes seemed to question me as we leaned on opposite walls of the elevator. Even though we weren't touching I felt an electric connection, an invisible current pulling us together and I had no desire to fight it.

Justin followed me into the loft, the door closing with a loud thud and the stillness settled over us. We walked up the two steps to the platform bed with the soft glow of the light bars on the wall the only illumination. He stood before me and I pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside and I ripped the snaps of my own shirt open and shrugged it off my shoulders before pulling the 'wife-beater' over my head. I dropped to my knees in front of him and dragged his pants and briefs down his legs and took his cock in my mouth. I swirled my tongue around his head before deep throating him. Slowly and patiently I pushed and pulled him sucking and tasting all of his magnificent cock. My hands held his ass cheeks and my fingers stroked and probed his ass until he exploded and I swallowed him up. His legs were quivering as we settled on my bed.

I stripped off the remainders of our clothing and pulled us to the center of the bed spooning Justin to my chest. I told him, "I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you all night long." What I really wanted to say was, '_I want to make love to you. I want to make mad passionate love to you all night long.'_

He handed me a condom and I slipped it on. I took it slow, slow like the first time we were together. I pressed into him ever so slowly relishing every inch as I moved deeper into him. The connection was profound as I kept my thrusts slow and even. I nuzzled my nose into the nape of his neck the soft hairs tickling me as I kissed my way up to the shell of his ear where I whisper, "I love… your tight ass." Yes I was an ass for not proclaiming and confessing my feelings. _'Justin I love you,' _were the words I thought but couldn't verbalize.

He turned his head stretching to meet my lips with a heated kiss and a murmured, "I know."

My pace increased until I couldn't hold back and I exploded my release. I didn't withdraw but held him closer to me, not wanting to break the connection. I wrapped him in my arms and held him closely.

We laid there longer than normal, well actually we had never just lain together. It was always fuck, shower, and sleep. Snuggling was not something I did. But tonight it was something I needed as I dug deep within myself looking for the courage to say the words I longed to.

Justin twisted in my arms and wrapping me in his warm embrace. "Everything okay?" he asked as he ran his nose over my jaw and down my throat.

"Yeah," I replied…'_I love you Justin Taylor and I want us to be partners in every way,' _I thought and I knew I needed to grow a pair and just fucking say it, say it out loud.

He rolled us so I was on my back and he was on top of me. I loved the press of his body, our cocks sliding and rubbing against the others. We were both quickly hard again and he smirked down at me. His rough tongue lapped at my throat and lower, the tip of his tongue teased at my nipples and he scraped his teeth over them sending an electric spike straight to my balls. His hand reached down between us and grabbed my cock, his thumb swirling over and around the head. His firm steady strokes only served to make me harder and his palm would swirl over the head with each pass.

I surprised him when I flipped us over and I grabbed a fresh condom, "Slip it on my dick," I told him. He rolled it down my dick and continued to stroke me as I pulled his legs over my shoulders. He lifted his ass off the bed and told me, "Fuck me. Fuck me hard." Who was I to deny him and I thrust fully into his tight ass and sighed.

This isn't how I meant to say it but the words tumbled out of my mouth unbidden "I" _thrust_ "love" _thrust _"you" _thrust_ "Justin" _thrust_ "Taylor" _thrust _"and" _thrust _"I want us" _thrust _"to be" _thrust _"partners" _thrust_ "in every way."

I leaned over on my final thrust and took his face in my hands and kissed him deeply and hoped he felt and understood my crazed declaration.

I release him and his dazed expression worried me until a smirk broke across his face. "Brian Kinney loves me," he whispered. Then, "Brian Kinney loves me," he shouted. "It's about damn time you realized it," he grinned up at me. "I love you too."

I let out my breath with a whoosh. I hadn't realized I had been holding it. I had said the words and the world hadn't stop spinning on its axis. All was right and now I could begin a new phase of my life. Now _we _could begin a new phase of _our_ lives.

**A/N I have only seen the first four seasons of QAF so I guess this is my daydream of what I would like to see happen. **

**Tell me how I did… This is new territory for me so I need your feedback. Thanks! (If you are a TwiFan exploring here ~~ did you catch the Twiquote? ~~ Let me know.)**


End file.
